Digging For Clues

Despite LP’s words of reassurance that I was important, my feelings of inadequacy grew because of his behavior. My heart wanted to believe him but my head was like, “wtf you stupid girl!”

This is where my digging for clues came into play and I went in on his IG HARD. I looked at the consistencies in likes, I looked at the comments, I looked at his friends and his friends friends. I looked at everything. I knew I was missing something and I was going to get to the bottom of it before I got in too deep.

What I found was his hang up on his ex.

Turns out that trip to Germany for self explorating that attracted me in the first place wasn't that at all. It was him chasing his ex across the ocean just like he chased her across the country.

A couple years ago, LP sold all of his possessions, quit his job and drove across country with whatever fit in his car to confess his love to a woman who no longer wanted him.

To him this was romantic, to her this was stalking.

He lived there for a whole year. A year in which she refused to see him. He finally gave up and came back to NJ.

I found all this out via Social Media. One comment on one seemingly nothing post from way back that he didn’t delete. After that discovery the rest easily unfolded.

So there it was. He was still in love with someone else who didn’t want him. I know that feeling. It’s shitty. And I decided to keep this to myself and give him the benefit of the doubt. To top it off his ex and I had some serious similarities such as we are both single moms, we are both strong personalities, we both have red hair, and we both wear glasses. He was replacing me with her. He was pretending I was her. It was her that he was saying all those things to that his actions didn’t match. I wasn’t me to him. I was a some sort of sick replacement of what he couldn’t have.

There was some bull shit not worth meantioning, that went down between him and I while I was away in Arizona and I broke it off with him. I had already found out all the crap about his ex so it wasn’t a hard decision. He schmoozed me back with posts and texts and finally a FT call that I said ok, I forgive you during. I was still put off tho and was a bit more standoffish towards him and I know he felt it. He didn’t like it. So when I came back from AZ he poured it on.

He did exactly what I would want someone who was into me do. He was waiting at my house when I got back from my flight.

I thought it was adorable and for some reason all the other stuff wasn’t a big deal to me anymore as he introduced himself to my Dad who drove home from the airport with me, unloaded my bags from the car, and carried them up to my apartment for me.

I felt important. I felt loved. I felt like he was afraid to lose me so he stepped up his game and I liked it.

That night he played music for us, pulled me close to him, kissed me lovingly all over and told me he was falling in love with me.


Find out why we finally did split just one week later and my bizarre encounter with him a couple months after in my next blog entry!

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