I Realize I’m Sick

I talked about Hank to no one. I knew deep down that having any type of relationship with him wasn’t the right type and I didn’t want the feedback or to admit it to myself outloud.

But when it ended so bizarrely I talked to a couple people, a bottle of wine deep, and I found out some pretty surprising and gnarly things.

  1. He was in everyone’s DMs including my sister and my cousin.

  2. His last relationship ended bizarrely too and she found a separate phone he had enabled strictly for watching porn.

  3. He had a heavy and extensive gambling and strip club problem.

Okay so hindsight, right?! But honestly was it hindsight? I had a sinking feeling from jump street. I had already experienced him before and went in for seconds! And to top that off, after the 2nds didn’t work I allowed him to apologize himself back in for 3rds! Am I pitiful AF or what?! Apparently recycling past mistakes was a better idea to me (at the time) than just being alone and waiting for a better candidate.

Apparently I was willing to justify bad choices and look past bad behavior just to have someone. I’m sick. I realize I’m sick.

Manifestation #9 I will always trust my gut.

The next blog we’ll talk about Luc. “The Role Player,” is what I refer to him as now. He’s  the next man I let in after Hank and his story will have you floored.

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