When I got a fb message from Hank the week after I broke up, I wasn’t surprised. Then the add on snapchat, 15 likes in a row on IG, and the ol slip into the DM a couple weeks after that.

In fact, when Hank and I first met it was through friends on a white water rafting trip. We did more beer drinking than fighting rapids but the whole weekend was a blast.

Hank came with his girlfriend who was way too hot for him and I went single. Not because I was always single but because I was often single with my on again off again boyfriend of way too many years that I can never get back.

Hank is no stranger of the fb messenger. As soon as we got back from the trip, there he was…”Just sayin, sup.”

Yeah ok, Hank…”Sup?”

The conversation lasted days of sups, reminiscing of the inside jokes from the trip and wayyyyy to many lols. Hank loves lol.

Manifestation #4 He doesn’t overuse lol.

Hank is a pretty funny guy. One of those funnys that it makes them attractive somehow when without it they’re a 4 at best.  

I really love a man who can make me laugh so I entertained it. But when Hank got obvi flirty and not just flirting with the idea of flirty I pulled the plug. I told him I don’t talk to other girls bfs like that.

Manifestation #5 He makes me laugh

Manifestation #6 He doesn’t have a gf and would never try to slip into another girls dm’s if he did.

Now riddle me this? The fact that I knew this douche was trying to hook up behind his girlfriend’s back should have been enough for me never to have given him a chance. I really don’t know why I did.  I think it was because I was in an off again moment with the way too many years boyfriend and I just desperately wanted to feel wanted.

So it goes like this, a few months later Hank broke up with his girlfriend and said, “lol sup lol” in my dms and I said hi back. We started seeing each other.

Deep down I knew I never should have answered this shmo and a few weeks in I ended it. The reason was because he wouldn’t invite me into his plans. I was never included with his stuff, but I included him with mine or we would just be alone doing things. I said, something along the lines of this isn’t working for me via text. He was totally cool with it.

Hank continued to follow me on all social media platforms and watched everything. I took notice in the beginning but eventually as the time passed I stopped noticing.

When I broke up Sept 1st 2017 it didn’t take Hank long to lol sup me again. He was still watching. He must have seen my obligatory, eat your heart out, breakup selfie I posted to IG.

And I took the bait. The first couple weeks just entertaining the msgs in the first place with responses and then finally giving him my number, which he still had, from 7 years ago. So why reach out on social media in the first place, you ask? Why not just text me to begin with? I wondered that too. I think because it’s less formal. Less of a turn down if its an unanswered dm than an unanswered text. I’m still not 100% on this yet it still makes me feel second rate-ish somehow.

Thing is, I knew without a doubt that Hank wasn’t the one but I bit anyway. Why tho? Isn’t it slightly bizzare to attempt romantic involvement with someone, deep down your guts are saying "nah," and the red flags are flying full mast?

Truth is, I was craving something. Human touch. My ex never cuddled, held my hand, or even sat next to me on the couch for almost 3 years. I was starving. Instead of being honest about what I was really in this for or even holding out for the next one, I pretended to myself that I was “dating” this guy. Like there was some kind of chance. And instead of passing on his offer of food and booze I said, “come over.”

The next entry in this series will be all about the First Date, a bit about the rest of them and how it ended.

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